Thoughts from Tripping to Thailand.

Posing at the Train Market in Bangkok, shortly before a morning train passed through.

It’s like a Black girl ritual to get your hair done before a vacation. Most opt for braids - versatile and easy to maintain while traveling. Some rock their natural curls, making pool days or water excursions less stressful. My hair is typically easiest for me to maintain when straight, making me probably the only Black woman to get a silk press before vacay. But not this time. Not before tripping to Thailand. For the first time in my life I traveled somewhere without my hair done, and the thought of that still slightly haunts me. Especially because it was across the world. I went across the world with my hair pulled to the top of my head, because that was all I had left to give before catching my flight. 

Me and said bun, the front camera on iPhone is more blurry than I thought.

Of course I was just going to do my hair when I got there. I packed my flat irons, figured I’d use the blow dryer at the hotel. A whole plan. What I didn’t factor in was needing the energy. I think I'm so conditioned to mustering up physical energy because no matter what the show must go on… that I thought the same would apply here. But it’s not even just about physical energy. For essentially the first five days of my trip, I was doing my hair “today”. I know at some point my cousin that I traveled with couldn’t help but think “girl you said that yesterday”. But even in the rare moments that I could find the physical resources, spiritually I just couldn’t get to it. My spirit needed rest. But more than anything my spirit needed space to take in Thailand’s energy. A  country that just gave carefree. Not what I’d expected at all (I didn’t even have time to do my hair, so no.. I didn’t research much before I went). 

The main road leading to the night markets in Chiang Mai.

Personal space not being a thing on Thailand streets kind of irked me to say the least. Everyone is moving with speed, and literally breathing on your neck if they’re walking the same direction. But what I couldn’t help but notice is that no one cared (except foreigners like me). No one had negative energy or moved with irritation. Urgency, but not aggravation. Get in where you fit in and just keep moving. Flow… together. I can sit next to you in a public space no matter how many empty tables there are across the room because why not? What does it matter if no one is being harmed and the seat right next to you is open? Saying kind of irked me was really a lie, I still feel some kind of way about it. When strangers are involved I like my personal space. But I have to be even more honest and admit that I respect it. I get it. It opened my eyes to the trivial things we waste energy on. It doubled down on the sad reality of how far the culture that I’m used to goes to NOT connect with people. In Thailand it was normal to be sensual- couples in the street, in the mall, at work holding hands. Touching. Gazing into each others’ eyes. The cab driver buying me and my friends flowers at the red light for no other reason than to see the smiles on our faces. He couldn’t speak a lick of English and we couldn't speak a lick of Thai - but he didn’t let the language barrier stop a connection. 

PDA at work? America would never!

My spirit struggled so hard to find the energy to straighten my hair, because there were so many other things to focus on. No- I wasn’t going out literally looking any which way by the head - I’m grown but my mama still don’t play that, lol. But it wasn’t my standard of beauty. And that’s what bothered me. I didn’t feel the most confident or comfortable when taking pictures because I wasn’t at or looking my best. But Thailand didn’t give AF. Between an itinerary and free time to explore, Thailand wanted me to just be- and take it all in. It wanted me to connect with my surroundings. Focus less on my beauty and more on the beauty of its land. Of its people.

The richness of the culture was captivating but in the most subtle ways. It was in the energy of everyone at the night markets browsing the unique items each vendor had to offer. It was the granddaughter working with her grandmother to prep food for people shopping on the boats at the water market. Culture was prevalent in the genuine kind spirit of every native that said hello and goodbye when I would enter a new place. No place or person is perfect. But it was something about Thailand that made me remember imperfections are what make things feel just right.

The most imperfect sunset in Phuket, Thailand.

Two days before leaving, I finally styled my hair. Vanity had to win at some point, right? Honestly, probably not lol. I just let it win because that’s what made me happy (and I finally found the energy). But I didn’t lose sight of the lesson learned. The world is so much bigger than how we see ourselves. So much bigger than our preferences and what we’re used to. I’m worried about how my hair looks, when there’s literal mountains, oceans, flowers, animals that I’ve never seen up close for me to observe. The spirit of freedom is flowing freely around me but I’m confining myself to the thoughts of my own appearance - something literally no one else is probably concerned with. The point was to connect with others, with a new place. New perspective. Step outside of myself and take it all in.

I can gracefully and gratefully say despite my energy - I did just that. I basked in connection. And even managed to do it with my last minute silk press. 😉

My curls didn’t stand a chance, but I felt cute though!